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Alotta Candor

Ask Alotta

Alotta Candor answers your job questions!

Dear Alotta,

Good morning! I'm a former Bronze Medalist Olympic Curler and since the sport hasn't really taken off like everyone thought, I am now unfortunately looking for work. I was formerly a trainer for future Olympiads, now since the US team hasn't done so well, our job market hasn't been so good. So I was wondering what advice you can give a trainer like myself. I really have no skills, however I can slowly roll a 45lb rock down an icy street and hit almost anything...so if there's any place you can point me, I'd definitely appreciate all the help I can get.

Thank you, Jonnie "Bronze" Cahill

Dear Bronze,

Funny, you'd think someone as accomplished as yourself would show up in a Google search, eh? Interestingly, though, Alotta did find this tidbit: "No American team has ever won an Olympic medal in curling."

For fun's sake, let's say you really do have a solid ability to "roll a 45lb rock down an icy street". Well, slap it on your resume, Jonnie, because that's a skill you'll need when you start pushing 45 lbs of bullshit down the slippery streets of Corporate America on a daily basis. And if, by chance, you're looking to steer clear of cubicles, I hear Shady Acres is looking for a Senior Shuffleboard Director.

- Alotta, icily


Dear Alotta,

How often should I expect to get a raise? I've been at my current company 3 years now and have not had a review or a raise. Apparently it isn't high on their priority list because nobody ever mentions review time or raises. I'm starting to think I should look somewhere else.

- Status Quo

Dear Status,

Generally, employees should be given a review on a yearly basis. A review is a time for your employer to give you feedback on your performance and for you to look at areas of improvement. It is also an opportunity to ask for a raise.

Since you have let three years go by without requesting a review, (yes, you should have requested one) and they don't seem inclined to schedule one, you will have to take the bull by the horns. Go to your boss and request a review. If your boss looks shocked or asks why, explain that you would like feedback on your performance. If your boss is hesitant to schedule one or is short with you, insist that your review be formal and documented. Then, during the review, you can ask for a raise. Here are some great tips to prepare yourself for the dreaded "raise conversation": Do's and Don'ts of Requesting a Raise.

Alotta, pressingly


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