Shakespeare himself could not have envisioned the Three Witch's I work with. Macbeth...you got my back? Hope so. Let us start with the the one who seems to be the Good Witch of the East. Newly arrived (from corporate), bubbly and all smiles. Always happy to see you, so she can talk sh_t about you when you leave. A corporate mole...I know it, you know it and everyone knows it. Rainman could've figured this b_tch out. Her door does'nt close completely, so all we have to do is stand near the copy machine to hear everything she calls into corporate. It's really nice that our company hired a developmentally disabled person to spy on us.
I think I've told everyone about the recently demoted Wicked Witch of the West. Corporate had to transfer her because her coworkers were ready to feed her to the industrial size shredder. Forgive me for saying this, but God reversed her menstrual cycle (i.e. 4 days out of the month she acts like a human being). This individual is so mean and nasty that Satan called her in for an interview (but wouldn't hire her because she lacked people skills). This is the Kicker...her husband works ten feet away from her and according to company policy that's a no-no. Poor Schmoe...has to put up with it all day and night.
Then we have the Incoherent Witch of the South. She's been with the company since God invented the formula for dirt. She hails from a South American country, has lived in the U.S. for close to 40 years and STILL can't speak fluent English. Example: "Allo, meester Honson (Johnson), Ju are no appy weeth jour contracto?" Mr. Johnson: "I'm sorry, I couldn't understand that last part. Could you repeat it, please?" Her (offended): Wha? Ju no speek Englis? I ax ju if ju no appy wit jour contracto para servicia? Mr.Johnson: DIAL TONE.
Welcome to the World of Sears. Our motto: "Give us your Verbally Challenged, your Developmentally Disabled, your Menstrually Inverted...and we'll make managers of them"