Makes me Uncomfortable....

So we have this guy who works for us out in the field, and he's a foreman at a few of our job sites... He comes into the office somewhat often to pick up paychecks and talk to his boss. However, lately, he's been making me feel *very* uncomfortable.

I'm usually the sunny, friendly type, so I tend to greet people rather cheerfully, saying things like "Hey, what's up" or "What's shakin'". The latter greeting I made the mistake of giving to this guy, we'll call Mr. Y. Instead of saying the usual, "Oh, nothing much, how are you", I got, "Looks like you are" with a leering, greasy stare directed at my backside. I then heard him mutter under his breath, "that's nice" and at that moment I wanted to plant my foot in his groin. This was months and months ago, and I think I made the mistake of pretending not to notice him leering at me and making inappropriate comments. Since that time, I make it a point to avoid him when possible, although I'm not mean or nasty or disrespectful to him when I do have to interact with him.

A month or two ago, he snuck up on me behind my desk and poked me in the ribs with both index fingers, prompting me to jump with alarm (because NOBODY touches me at work). I was seriously annoyed and very uncomfortable at this, since he was standing right in my bubble. I really wanted to run him over with my chair.

I still avoid him, and I'm still polite, but my patience is wearing thin. I'm just about ready to jump all over him if he does something else that makes me uncomfortable like that. However, I've been reluctant to mention anything to the higher-ups because I've watched them turn a blind eye to inter-office conflict before, and this guy is a foreman they genuinely depend on. He's won awards for his workmanship. However, this is a serious issue and if it were anyone else, they could have a lawsuit on their hands for negligence in handling a sexual harassment complaint. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I hate having to talk to the guy, I hate looking at him and I hate doing work for him. I'm completely skeeved out. Help!

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bookwoman (08/12/2011) Look him straight in eyes, hard and direct, keep your voice low, and tell him his behaviour is a form of sexual harrassment, completely unacceptable, and if he does or says one more inappropriate thing that you will file a formal complaint against him. Don't even mention HR when you say this. And don't go to them before you do this - if you even have to do this - go to them AFTER. And don't ASK HR about it, TELL them about it. Muster your inner warrior and simply tell them that this employee has been inappropriate, you have told him he is inappropriate and to stop with any comments/behaviour, and you are simply letting them know. You could even write them an email and therefore have it documented. I feel very strongly about this as I have been in your shoes, sort of, in two different jobs. As well as the Navy, back in the stone age. The last job in which I had a similar experience was my last job. Which I resigned from because of such behaviour by one certain person, who I had complained about to my management. When I submitted my letter of resignation to my manager, which simply stated that "my last day with XX company would be 30 September 2009." My manager didn't even contact me, he sent right to HR, which called me in to ask me for the reason I was leaving. I'm not suggesting you go this far, I'm just relating an experience. Anyway, HR met with me for three hours, wrote down everything I said, and when I left the company, when I RESIGNED, did not fight my unemployment claim OR my claim for benefits due to dislocated workers (the benefit that has been paying for my college education). They wanted me to just go away and not take legal action, which I know because they fought EVERYONE who they even laid off about unemployment and benefits. They also forced my whole department to attend extended sexual harrassment training after I left. Bottom line? It is not acceptable to make a fellow employee uncomfortable by taking personal liberties with them. I do believe, based on previous experience, that if you present yourself in a matter-of-fact, not overtly emotional manner, with a clear expectation that the offending behaviour will not be tolerated, you will be taken seriously, no matter how important this scumbag is in their business. If it was me, I would also contact the Department of Labor regarding your exact rights in such a situation, and for advice on how to handle it, just to be prepared. I would do this even if I had no desire to pursue action, but just to educate myself and be informed. There is no reason on earth why someone who skives you so much should be allowed to act like this in the workplace. You wouldn't take it in a store or a gym or other public place. Don't let the fact that you're an employee and need the paycheck stop you from drawing boundaries that are reasonable. Hopefully he will just leave you alone, but if he doesn't, let the warrior out. frogleghorn (08/13/2011) Sue his ass for sexual harassment. That's an easy quarter of a million for you and that will also give him the embarrassment to go home and tell his wife what he's been doing to other women while on the job. What I would do is hide a tape recorder somewhere or a small video camera somewhere, catch him in the act and give it to a lawyer. Don't edit any audio or video tapes you make of him making passes at you so you can admit that into evidence. He's going to be one salty idiot after the court case is settled. Printing Fool (08/14/2011) I have done this before in my much younger years, if you have a male friend who is HUGE and can look mean have him drop by. If you can know when this jerk will come by be sure to have your friend handy. Just have him walk in say "Hi babes" peck you on the cheek, make small talk. Say "I'll see you later tonight and let you know how my day went." When your "boyfriend" turns around to leave make sure he makes eye contact with this creep. Nothing threating, just eye contact. If this creep doesn't take the hint, then you'll eventually have to spell it out for him. I've done this before, and it was my real boyfriend, he was also 6'4 weighed almost 270lbs and played semi pro football. It cured that situation like a charm! HaveADamnNiceDay (08/15/2011) @Bookwoman-- I also have strong feelings about this, (hence why sometimes I feel so violent about it), but I'm afraid the warrior queen seems to have vacated the premises. In her place is a frightened little girl. I'm honestly waiting for a third offense to occur so I can call him on it. Should I even be waiting? Maybe I *should* look at the dept. of labor to get a better handle on what I need to do with this situation. I love this job--it's generally low-stress, respectable pay, regular hours, agreeable people. All except this one dude (and maybe my boss, but I've decided she's a lunatic basket case anyways, and I pretty much ignore her unless she has an assignment for me). I sort of *need* this job anyways, since I'm in school, have bills, etc. and any hiccups in my paychecks will cause all kinds of stuff to go down the tubes. I can't afford to lose this job right now. I'm scared. @Froglehorn-- I'm reluctant to be litigious, and it's hard to catch him since he's in and out at irregular times. He doesn't work in the office. He's in the field. However, this IS stressing me out to the point of distraction. @ Printing Fool--- I totally like your idea, but alas, I'm married and my husband has never really been able to visit the office. It's too far out of his way, and it's not like he gets paid time off to do stuff like this. Plus, again, this dude comes in at irregular times and he's hard to catch. Besides--if I told my husband, he'd probably run his car into the ground to get here (or to whatever jobsite the dude works at) just so he could threaten to turn the guy into a pretzel if he so much as breathed in my direction. I'm trying to be discreet and deal with this on my own. My husband gets very angry when people don't maintain a respectful distance from me, or both to respect our marriage. My husband is a big, muscular, fast, super-fit guy with a 2nd degree black belt and a mean camel clutch. I don't doubt if the guy saw him (especially angry) he'd be more respectful. However, the timing is just rotten around here, and I'm pretty much on my own anyways. I may only have one ally I can really count on.... And that's one of our company VP's. He's squashed inappropriate talk towards me before, with vehemence. I hope I can trust him.... Sphincter Detector (08/15/2011) Be careful not to formally escalate this issue until you have made a legitimate attempt to address it directly with this man first.(Only if he is not your superior or unless you are unduly and causibly frightend of him). Takes a little courage, but it's the right thing to do, give the guy an opportunity to check his behavior and make a change before you try to get him fired or file a lawsuit against the company because the first thing a defense lawyer will do, or a company HR representative who is affraid of a lawsuit , is try to fault you for not vocalizing that there was ever a problem and possibly accuse you of exploiting and exaggerating the situation for personal gain. You do not want to be at the shitty end of that stick. Document the incidents and the dates, provide a verbal warning and document it, then provide a written email describing his behavior, include the dates of the incidents and firmly request the behavior to stop. Copy to yourself to your personal email address. If the situation persits, you are now positioned to escalate unchallenged with proper recourse. Imbossy12 (08/31/2011) Like I tell people you have to understand where you work at and what comes with the environment. I once heard a girl that works at Hooters complain to her boss cause the guys were staring at her. Ok you work at hooters and your worried about that, thats why they make you wear that uniform to bring in guys. I am not saying that an environment gives certain oks but you have to ralize where you work at. You go tto be firm right from the get go so that the individual knows how you feel. Its like teasing someone cause you that gets mad, if they laugh it off usually they stop teasing you cause they know it doesnt bother you. If it continues tell your boss and see where it goes fromn there Mg (01/02/2013) Your blog make me learn a lot! charmingdate scam tired of jerks at work (02/08/2013) just talk to him ....maybe he has no idea...just talk it out some guys dont know how a woman accepts things like that POST A COMMENT »