So how many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Where I work it goes something like this. Names have been changed of course but the general business process here really is true at my workplace:
A light bulb expert tells only who he must that "There is a dead light bulb in the bathroom and I am going to change it with a 40W white florecent bulb because that’s what it has always had and there is plenty of light and it looks great.".
Bureaucrat #1 and Bureaucrat #2 find out third hard about this. #1 says to the light bulb expert "No dont do that, we need to have a meeting first and talk about this".
Bureaucrat #2 panics and says "Yeah I agree lets talk about this light bulb that needs changed. It’s gonna have to be a 100W because the brighter light will match the poreclend color of the toilets better. Check my calendar and schedule the meeting at a time I am free"
The light bulb expert checks everybody’s calendar and everybody is free Friday afternoon at 2:00pm.. He sends out a meeting request..
Bureaucrat #2 tells the light bulb expert that Friday afternoon is bad for her and never to schedule meetings on Friday afternoons. This particular Friday she will be leaving at noon to go home and wash her white elephant. The light bulb expert argues that her calendar was free but that doesn’t make a difference.
Time goes by trying to get this meeting scheduled. Meanwhile a person who Bureaucrat #2 thinks can fire her goes into the dark room with no light bulb, trips, and falls. The person who trips and falls is OK and not upset.
An URGENT meeting is held.
Bureaucrat #2 says " This is the first I have heard of this light bulb being out!!! I had no idea this bulb was out!! This is an urgent issue, why wasn't this light bulb changed before now!!? “
Bureaucrat #1 says "this needs to be a neon green light standard 60W bulb that goes in"
Light bulb expert says "ok, a neon green 60W bulb it is, I will replace it tomorrow"
Devil's advocate #1 says "you can't do it Thursday morning because what if there is an earthquake while you have it half screwed in and then the light bulb falls out of your hand and gets glass all over the floor. Someone might cut themselves on that glass".
Bureaucrat #2 says "yeah, and why are you putting in a neon green light bulb, it needs to be a pink one! And why only a 60W? It needs to be an 80W."
Bureaucrats #1 and #2 argue back and fourth a couple rounds on the color, neon green vs pink, standard vs florecent, 40W, 60W, 80W, 100W, and nothing is solved at this meeting.
Another meeting is scheduled.
Bureaucrat #1 says "I have this great idea, let's put in a 40W florescent white light bulb!!!".
By this time Bureaucrat #2 has found out that the person who slipped and fell can not fire her so she doesn't care about the light bulb anymore, and she knows that Bureaucrat #1 can fire her so she just agress with him now and says "yeah white florescent 40W is great!"
The light bulb expert says"OK I will do that today; 40W florescent white".
Devil's Advocate #2 says "well I am using the ladder you need for a priority light bulb change in the Presidents office so you can't replace it today".
Four more meetings are held. A date and time to replace the bulb and type of bulb is finally picked.
The light bulb expert finally replaces the light bulb; 40W, florescent, white.
Bureacrat #2 finds out and says "why is it white I thought it was going to be pink".. The light bulb expert reminds Bureaucrat #2 that pink was discussed but the final decision per the last meeting was white.
An Email was sent to Bureaucrat #1 for clarification. Devils Advocate #2 says he thinks the types of light bulbs that the light bulb experts are using are a bad kind. He writes a 10 page Email as to why he thinks that a new brand of light bulbs needs to be used. He explains how electricity is made at both coal and nuclear power plants and how the Nation's electric power grid works and how each type of light bulb effects the power grid 500 miles away.
Devil's Advocate #3 blames every toilet and plumbing problem on campus for the 6 months on the light bulb that the light bulb expert put in the restroom.
Devil’s Advocate #4 argues that the bulbs are not environmentally friendly .
Devil’s Advocate #5 who is responsible for cleaning the restroom says he can not see in there with the new light bulb and he passes the buck to the light bulb expert and says it will now be his job to clean the restroom.
Bureaucrat #1 tells his boss Bureaucrat #3 that they decided not to use light bulbs anymore because he wanted to save money on electrical bills and make himself look good and have something to put on his resume. This was a mistake as he meant to say they were using 40W florescent white bulbs but it came out as not using any light bulbs at all. #1 doesn’t know what a light bulb is so he is just saying what he thinks #3 and the people above him want to hear.
When Bureaucrat #1 finds out he made a mistake in what he told his boss, he will not admit it. Rather than tell #3 his boss he made a mistake about his statement about the bulbs he orders the light bulb expert to remove all light bulbs from their sockets in every room, not just the one originally discussed, but all of them all over. So no light bulbs anywhere now.
The light bulb expert removes the bulbs as ordered by crat #1.
Then the President slips in the restroom because it was dark. She falls and messes up her hair and is really pissed off. The light bulb expert says he was told by crat #1 to take all the light bulbs but none of the Bureaucrats back him up. They say "we never said that, we said all sockets should have a neon purple 120W standard light bulbs. That's what we have been saying all along.".
The President says she wants all restrooms all over to have 75 WATT standard black light bulbs in all restrooms and she wants them all installed on a Saturday in a two hour time span.
The President says she wants to make sure that nobody comes in to her restroom to change the bulb during that two hour timespan because she might happen to be in there and it is against her religion to lock a bathroom door. SO, she orders a Royal Flush Luxury Portable restroom to rent while the light bulbs are being installed for a price of $10,000. She orders a portable generator for the portable toilet just in case the power goes out in the two hours she might be inside using it.
She also orders that the restroom have wifi so she can check her Email while sitting on the toilet.
Saturday comes.
The President also orders the entire police department to stand outside the portable toilet and guard it.
The power does go out.
Looting and vandalism goes on while all of the police are guarding her toilet and there are no lights. The police tell the President they need to go take care of the crime but she does not allow them to leave.
The lights stay on in the portable toilet for the president because of her portable generator. She is able to get on wifi but she can not check her Email. That’s because the datacenter where the Email server is at does not have a generator and it looses power. The president is furious!!
Meanwhile the light bulb expert changes all of the bulbs to what the President wants; 75 WATT standard black light bulbs
Bureaucrats 1 and 2 tell the President “this is the first we have heard of the datacenter not having a generator, we thought it had one!!” The light bulb expert gets blamed because light bulbs require electricity and generators make electricity so that corilation is good enough to blame the light bulb expert.
Power comes back on. The black light the President asked for don’t laminate much light so the place is still dark even after the power comes back on.
Bureaucrat #2 and Devil's Advocate #2 both take 6 weeks off from all the stress they just went through.
People still can’t see in the restrooms but the President got the bulbs she wanted so nobody cares and dares to say anything about it.
The light bulb expert goes on a 3 month drinking binge.
The cycle repeats…
So how many people does it take to change the light bulb? A President, her 3 clueless Bureaucrats, 5 rambling Devil’s Advocates, and 1 tired ass stressed out light bulb changer.
comments (0) 
digg
e-mail it 
POST A COMMENT
