Your boss won't remember your name in 20 yearsyour kids will!
Apr 23, 2008
Better Salesmanship Through Drugs....
by Southern Programmer
Well I'm back!
My post title might be a bit misleading, I am not and never have taken mind altering drugs but I did have a funny experience happen within the past week.
I haven't posted in a while due to a rush of work which has left me wiped out. In fact, I had gotten to the point where I would come home from work and just fall asleep in an easy chair at 6 PM. This went on for a few weeks and I found myself putting on weight at an alarming rate and found myself pretty much disinterested in everything.
I went to see my regular doctor who examined me, took my money and told me I needed to exercise and lose weight. Well that's just great doc but the reason I went was because I didn't have any ENERGY to work out to lost that weight!
So my wife suggested that I see a Doctor she had been seeing who only uses natural supplements. My wife does have a regular GP but she also seems this Doctor for allergies and other ailments and I must admit the 'natural' Doctor had really helped my wife and our children over the years so I decided to try this Doctor out.
Upon my arrival, the Doctor introduced herself and had me fill out a questionnaire. She then examined me and explained that it appeared I had developed an allergy to certain vitamins that my body absolutely needed in order to make energy.
This part gets wierd.
She had me hold my arm out and told me to keep it there while she pushed down. My arm stayed firm while she pushed on it. She then had me hold a vial of 'vitamin b' in my hand and repeated the exercise, I could not stop her from pushing my arm down!
She then repeated this with several vials and finally gave me her synopsis. I was allergic to protein, vitamin C, vitamin B, Vitamin F, my body appears to have no zinc or iodine in it.
Bottom line, everything is out of whack and it is no wonder I am tired all the time and putting on weight.
So, the Doctor said she needed to 'clear me' for protein and also had a round of vitamins for me to start using.
This part gets even wierder.
The 'clearing' consisted of me lying face down on a table while holding a vial of 'protein extract' in my right hand while this woman beat on my back, feet, and neck with a machine that 'thumped' all over my back. The thumping lasted about three minutes and then I was to lie still with vial in my hand for 15 minutes.
When she finished beating up my back she told me to rest and turned off the lights and left. I felt a little odd about this and wondered if she had picked my pocket and was taking off for the bahamas.
After 15 minutes the Doctor came back with a list of foods to avoid for 24 hours and some bottles of specialized herbs and vitamins I needed to take.
During the first day, I can't say I felt much different and was sure I had wasted my money. The second day I started feeling a bit more energetic and my wife reminded me that the next day I was to help a local elementary school sell doughnuts in the area where parents drop off their kids. My wife helps with the PTA and had 'volunteered' my services.
The third day I woke up and felt GREAT! In fact, I felt WONDERFUL! I got dressed in a hurry and headed to the elementary school while marveling at how particularly fluffy the clouds were this morning!!!!!!!!!! Yahoo it's great to be alive!!!!!!!
When I got to the school I parked my car and jogged over to the area where the doughnuts (Krispy Kreme) were stacked in boxes on the table. Several ladies were standing around the table with a sad sign that said "PTA Doughnuts, Five Dollars". The ladies were just talking with their arms folded while the 'safety patrol kids' were opening the doors to let the kids out.
I couldn't stand it! So I grabbed a box of doughnuts and walked to the next car that came up. A man was driving and was dropping his daughter off
I said "Hey! Your wife called and told me to tell you to buy a box of doughnuts!!!"
"Ha! Ok, But I'm gonna blame you for this!" the guy said while handing me a five.
I ran back to the table and slipped the money in the envelope while grabbing another box and walking to the next car.
A woman in a crowded van was dropping off several young kids, I opened the sliding door and said "Sorry Ma'am, if you don't buy a box of doughnuts we can't let your kids go to school and you will be stuck with them all day!"
The kids squealed with delight while the woman made a mock face and said "Oh my gosh! I better buy some!"
At this time, the safety patrol was laughing at me and asked if they could help. I gathered all of them together and instructed them to make sad faces while saying "We can't go to class unless you buy our doughnuts!"
At this point I was thinking "Boy! this is FUN!"
I grabbed another box of doughnuts and went to car driven by a athletic looking woman who was dropping off her child, I told her "Ma'am, I'm worried about you..you are looking too thin and your personal trainer told me to tell you to eat a box of doughnuts!" She laughed and said "Sounds good to me!"
I grabbed another box and opened the door of a truck driven by a burly looking man who was dropping off his son.
"Your wife said to buy doughnuts!" I told him.
"Ain't got one!" he replied.
"Oh it must have been your girlfriend!" I shot back.
"Ain't got one of them either!" he replied.
"Your boss?" I said hopefully.
"At'll work!" He said while reaching for the box of doughnuts and handing me a five.
After all was said and done, the pile of doughnuts were cleared in 15 minutes.
I headed on to work when my wife called me on my cell phone and said "What in the world did you do?" She told me the ladies handling the doughnut sale told her I had everyone laughing and had involved the kids and sold more than they had thought possible.
I told her I thought the Doctors treatments were starting to work and I was feeling really good. My wife then told me the school want's to sell doughnuts again in May and would I help them again.
sick of it (04/24/2008) Loved this story. I gotta say as grumbling as I can get at times and as content with my grouchiness as I can be, you, my man, have a life attitude I can only strive to achieve.
My hat is off.
Fedup-TimeOut (05/04/2008) I enjoyed the story, too...especially when you got to the part in your story about the doughnut sales.
prisonerofsocialwork (07/06/2008) That was such a great story!!!!! I was feeling really low and tired and this really made me smile.
SouthernProgrammer (07/07/2008) Glad you guys liked the story, we did have another sale in May. Oddly enough a lot of kids showed up to help and I gave them a crash course in selling and we set another record. In fact they started sending us doughnuts from the other parking lots as they weren't selling any.....
T (09/11/2008) Good for you for trying something new to keep healthy!!
SouthernProgrammer (09/13/2008) Thanks T, I keep trying. If I could just find a million or 2 and quit my job I could stay at the gym and really be healthy!